Falling off your horse 101.

This is a written and public lecture for myself.

1) Never lean forward when losing balance. Slightly lean backward.
2) Never EVER, EVER put your feet behind your body. homaygass when will you ever learn.
3) While falling, avoid making loud, ratty, "eek eek eek" squeaky sounds. It just brings everyone's attention to you. Ergo, everyone sees you fall. Ergo, nakakahiya.
4) Once you've realized that you're already at the falling point of no return, don't try to hold on for dear life. Dismantle. Just do it. It hurts less, I swear.
5) When you're already on the ground, just let go of the rein. Once you let go of the stirrups, let go of the rein. JUST LET GO. Because not letting go means asking your horse to step on you. Getting trampled on by a horse is not sexy. Nope... not sexy at all.
6) Once on the ground, do not forget to attempt a fake amnesia. It makes things more interesting.
7) Try to smell if you landed on fresh horse manure or pee. If you did, it's ok to cry. But if not, I guess it's still ok to cry.
8) When trying to deny your fall, please be reminded of this conversation:
     Groom: Ma'am, Ma'am! Ano Nangyari?
     Bea: Wala nagpapahilot lang ako, libre eh.
     G: Nahulog kayo noh?
     B: Hindi ah.
     G: Hindi daw. eh puro buhangin pa yung mukha nyo eh.
9) Lose weight, please lang.
And last but not the least:
10) Falling off is not a good enough excuse to call THE EX. It's pathetic. He'll feel sorry and be concerned, but it will be seriously awkward after a while. Seriously.