This morning, I called my dearest Chanelle to ask her who her favorite aunty was. She was kinda annoyed and I asked her a dozen times more and she got extremely annoyed and passed the phone to her uncle, my cousin Clinton. Clinton and I talked for a bit until I remembered that the original reason why I called was to tell Chanelle how my dog miscarried all her 6 puppies. This is how our conversation went:
Aunty Bea: Yo! Who's your favorite aunty???
Chanelle: eeeeeeeeeh
Aunty Bea: You know what, Miss Holly's puppies died today, they're all in pet heaven now. Aunty Bea feels sad.
Chanelle: Why?
Aunty Bea: I dunno. Next time she gets pregnant, I can give you a puppy if your mommy and daddy allows it you, ok?
Chanelle: OK. But I want a fish. Can you buy me a fish?
Aunty Bea: Why would you want a fish? They're boring.
Chanelle: I WANT A FISH.
Aunty Bea: Fine, fine. How many do you want?
Chanelle: Just one.
Aunty Bea: Ok. I'll bring it to your house on Thursday.
Chanelle: Oh, can you give me 2? A big one and a small one.
Aunty Bea: I can give you a small one, and it will grow and become big. You can name your fish.
Chanelle: No, no! I want one big and one small.
Aunty Bea: What for?
Chanelle: Para may minion sya.
Aunty Bea: What?! Para saan minion nya???
Chanelle: Dapat parati sya may minion. Kelangan may minion sya eh.
Aunty Bea: Ok fine, I'll buy your fish a minion. Who's your favorite aunty?
Chanelle: AUNTY BEYHA!!! YEEEEEY!
Aunty Bea: YEEEEEY!
Chanelle: Why are you so happy?
Aunty Bea: uh...
Monday, June 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Mr. Perfect
A while ago, over a pitcher of Tang Mandarin Orange, Victor and I were seriously discussing the sad, sad state of my non existent love life. You see, I'm turning 26 in a month. 26. As JC David would say, that's already on the other side of your 20's.
When you're Chinese and 26 and just-got-back-to-zero-single, it's no joke. Thoughts of spinsterhood come creeping in every now and then. You think your market value declines a point every single day. And so in that second of worry and anxiety, I asked Victor to find me a Mr. Perfect.
He asked me for my requirements.
I only had 3.
1) Should be adventurous.
2) Should be driven, have goals, and have passion for whatever he does.
3) Should be able to buy me whatever that I can afford for myself.
Viola, right then and there, he thought of the perfect guy for me. With all 3 points in the bag.
Bruce Wayne
Victor says my requirements were ludicrously fictional. So ok, since I am bored and I wanna act like a 16 year old, here is my non-fictional Mr. Perfect.
time started: 7:36pm
1) He needs to have nice teeth.
2) Like Bruce Wayne, I want him driven. And I really, REALLY need him to have goals, be focused, and just be the perfect package for success. NON NEGOTIABLE.
3) Should be at least 4 inches taller than I am. (I'm 5'3)
4) Should have nice socks. All the time. No worn out socks please.
5) Should be able to finish a Charlie's double black angus with fries on the side and Buffalo wings to share with me.
6) Plays basketball with friends, preferably on a weekday night or a weekend morning.
7) Its not necessary for him to be outdoorsy, but I can't have him whining when I'm trying to be outdoorsy.
8) No gangsta music please.
9) Snores.
10) good skin is a plus. I want nice genes for future babies.
11) Last name should have at least 2 syllables.
12) I want him to be the type of guy who gets eternally annoyed when I ask him to buy me flowers. But he'll buy me anyway.
13) At least 6 years older.
14) Does not get easily bullied by me.
15) Difficult.
16) Has reasonably high levels of E.Q.
17) Should be able to carry a conversation with my brothers. :|
18) Should be able to hang out with my brothers' friends. :|
19) Should be liked by my brothers. :| :| :|
20) He will control me when I don't wanna be controlled.
21) And he will be mad when I try to control him.
22) I should see a bit of his dorsal venous in his hand and lower arm. Like a golfer's arm. But doesn't necessarily need to play golf. I just like strong hands. That's all.
23) SHOULD NOT BE OBSESSED WITH CARS. ergh.
24) I don't want him to have a small digicam.
25) Likes to travel.
26) Likes nice hotels.
27) He should know the ins and outs of his business.
28) He should know something about fixing cars.
29) It should be ok for him to wear board shorts anywhere.
30) Please let him look dashingly debonaire whenever I need him to.
31) He's not magastos.
32) And he will influence me to be not magastos.
33) He can be a picky eater.
34) His car is makalat.
35) He doesn't approve of my horseback riding, but won't stop me from riding anyway.
36) Knows his math.
37) Ok narin kahit di magaling sa grammar.
38) It should be ok for him to wear butas butas na Tshirt.
39) He shouldn't have enough care to follow this blog, or any other blog.
40) Hates colored nails.
41) He cannot NOT like dogs.
42) Hould be scared of cats, cockroaches and bees.
43) Can't be needy.
44) Won't tolerate me being needy.
45) I'm bored na pakshet. Kay Batman nalang ako.
Time ended: 9:11pm
When you're Chinese and 26 and just-got-back-to-zero-single, it's no joke. Thoughts of spinsterhood come creeping in every now and then. You think your market value declines a point every single day. And so in that second of worry and anxiety, I asked Victor to find me a Mr. Perfect.
He asked me for my requirements.
I only had 3.
1) Should be adventurous.
2) Should be driven, have goals, and have passion for whatever he does.
3) Should be able to buy me whatever that I can afford for myself.
Viola, right then and there, he thought of the perfect guy for me. With all 3 points in the bag.
Bruce Wayne
Or more popularly known as BATMAN.
True, true. Tama nga naman.
1) Bruce Wayne is very adventurous. He's Batman, for crying out loud. Adventurous na, mysterious pa!
2) He's driven. Goal nya maka save ng madaming tao. And as far as I know, nagagawa nya naman diba?
3) He's rich. Batmobile and butler Alfred. 'nuff said.
Victor says my requirements were ludicrously fictional. So ok, since I am bored and I wanna act like a 16 year old, here is my non-fictional Mr. Perfect.
time started: 7:36pm
1) He needs to have nice teeth.
2) Like Bruce Wayne, I want him driven. And I really, REALLY need him to have goals, be focused, and just be the perfect package for success. NON NEGOTIABLE.
3) Should be at least 4 inches taller than I am. (I'm 5'3)
4) Should have nice socks. All the time. No worn out socks please.
5) Should be able to finish a Charlie's double black angus with fries on the side and Buffalo wings to share with me.
6) Plays basketball with friends, preferably on a weekday night or a weekend morning.
7) Its not necessary for him to be outdoorsy, but I can't have him whining when I'm trying to be outdoorsy.
8) No gangsta music please.
9) Snores.
10) good skin is a plus. I want nice genes for future babies.
11) Last name should have at least 2 syllables.
12) I want him to be the type of guy who gets eternally annoyed when I ask him to buy me flowers. But he'll buy me anyway.
13) At least 6 years older.
14) Does not get easily bullied by me.
15) Difficult.
16) Has reasonably high levels of E.Q.
17) Should be able to carry a conversation with my brothers. :|
18) Should be able to hang out with my brothers' friends. :|
19) Should be liked by my brothers. :| :| :|
20) He will control me when I don't wanna be controlled.
21) And he will be mad when I try to control him.
22) I should see a bit of his dorsal venous in his hand and lower arm. Like a golfer's arm. But doesn't necessarily need to play golf. I just like strong hands. That's all.
23) SHOULD NOT BE OBSESSED WITH CARS. ergh.
24) I don't want him to have a small digicam.
25) Likes to travel.
26) Likes nice hotels.
27) He should know the ins and outs of his business.
28) He should know something about fixing cars.
29) It should be ok for him to wear board shorts anywhere.
30) Please let him look dashingly debonaire whenever I need him to.
31) He's not magastos.
32) And he will influence me to be not magastos.
33) He can be a picky eater.
34) His car is makalat.
35) He doesn't approve of my horseback riding, but won't stop me from riding anyway.
36) Knows his math.
37) Ok narin kahit di magaling sa grammar.
38) It should be ok for him to wear butas butas na Tshirt.
39) He shouldn't have enough care to follow this blog, or any other blog.
40) Hates colored nails.
41) He cannot NOT like dogs.
42) Hould be scared of cats, cockroaches and bees.
43) Can't be needy.
44) Won't tolerate me being needy.
45) I'm bored na pakshet. Kay Batman nalang ako.
Time ended: 9:11pm
Saturday, June 4, 2011
There's a difference between a great love and a right love
"This is your chance at happiness. You think you shouldn't want it because you never had it and it scares you. But you deserve your fairytale." -Chuck Bass
"I didn't wanna let you go just yet." -Blair Waldorf
*gasp*
I DIED.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Falling off your horse 101.
This is a written and public lecture for myself.
1) Never lean forward when losing balance. Slightly lean backward.
2) Never EVER, EVER put your feet behind your body. homaygass when will you ever learn.
3) While falling, avoid making loud, ratty, "eek eek eek" squeaky sounds. It just brings everyone's attention to you. Ergo, everyone sees you fall. Ergo, nakakahiya.
4) Once you've realized that you're already at the falling point of no return, don't try to hold on for dear life. Dismantle. Just do it. It hurts less, I swear.
5) When you're already on the ground, just let go of the rein. Once you let go of the stirrups, let go of the rein. JUST LET GO. Because not letting go means asking your horse to step on you. Getting trampled on by a horse is not sexy. Nope... not sexy at all.
6) Once on the ground, do not forget to attempt a fake amnesia. It makes things more interesting.
7) Try to smell if you landed on fresh horse manure or pee. If you did, it's ok to cry. But if not, I guess it's still ok to cry.
8) When trying to deny your fall, please be reminded of this conversation:
Groom: Ma'am, Ma'am! Ano Nangyari?
Bea: Wala nagpapahilot lang ako, libre eh.
G: Nahulog kayo noh?
B: Hindi ah.
G: Hindi daw. eh puro buhangin pa yung mukha nyo eh.
9) Lose weight, please lang.
And last but not the least:
10) Falling off is not a good enough excuse to call THE EX. It's pathetic. He'll feel sorry and be concerned, but it will be seriously awkward after a while. Seriously.
1) Never lean forward when losing balance. Slightly lean backward.
2) Never EVER, EVER put your feet behind your body. homaygass when will you ever learn.
3) While falling, avoid making loud, ratty, "eek eek eek" squeaky sounds. It just brings everyone's attention to you. Ergo, everyone sees you fall. Ergo, nakakahiya.
4) Once you've realized that you're already at the falling point of no return, don't try to hold on for dear life. Dismantle. Just do it. It hurts less, I swear.
5) When you're already on the ground, just let go of the rein. Once you let go of the stirrups, let go of the rein. JUST LET GO. Because not letting go means asking your horse to step on you. Getting trampled on by a horse is not sexy. Nope... not sexy at all.
6) Once on the ground, do not forget to attempt a fake amnesia. It makes things more interesting.
7) Try to smell if you landed on fresh horse manure or pee. If you did, it's ok to cry. But if not, I guess it's still ok to cry.
8) When trying to deny your fall, please be reminded of this conversation:
Groom: Ma'am, Ma'am! Ano Nangyari?
Bea: Wala nagpapahilot lang ako, libre eh.
G: Nahulog kayo noh?
B: Hindi ah.
G: Hindi daw. eh puro buhangin pa yung mukha nyo eh.
9) Lose weight, please lang.
And last but not the least:
10) Falling off is not a good enough excuse to call THE EX. It's pathetic. He'll feel sorry and be concerned, but it will be seriously awkward after a while. Seriously.
S.S.S. - Secret Society Sisig
I just twisted my knee from falling off my horse. So yes, I'm blogging because there's not much that I can do right now.
I might have mentioned S.S.S. here. It's the Secret Society Sisig. This probably the best sisig I've ever had, next to the family sisig recipe.
I think this is the most perfect sisig I've tasted in my entire life. A bit of crunch and a bit of meat here and there and there's minimal "taba". It's really well prepared and well concocted. If you like sisig from Pampanga, you'll love this.
I might have mentioned S.S.S. here. It's the Secret Society Sisig. This probably the best sisig I've ever had, next to the family sisig recipe.
I think this is the most perfect sisig I've tasted in my entire life. A bit of crunch and a bit of meat here and there and there's minimal "taba". It's really well prepared and well concocted. If you like sisig from Pampanga, you'll love this.
 |
| Mila's Sisig |
So anyway, it's not really called S.S.S. I just invented that name because nobody knew where it was and if somebody did, they don't know the name of the place. And since nobody reads my blog anyway, I doubt that this entry would change that. ajeje.
The place is called Mila's Store, located in Angeles City, Pampanga. I dunno the name of the street exactly, but it's almost behind Chevalier School, right on the entrance of Angeles City from San Fernando Pampanga. You drive past the school then turn right after a motor shop, and at the end of the street, turn right again and you will find the most magical pork you'll ever have.
 |
| Mila's Store, Angeles, Pampanga |
I know most out-of-towners go to Riles, Pampanga's famous grill strip for their sisig. Aling Lucing is probably Pampanga's most famous. This place is takes around a 15 minute drive from that area. Trust me, it's really worth the drive.
An order costs 200 pesos, already good for 3-4 persons.
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